I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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