I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
