Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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