May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
please don't ironically join a cult
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