his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
