I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
