Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
