yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
