Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
