He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
