who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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