My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
