I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
