So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
