Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
