sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize