Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
