i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
