She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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