I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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