I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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