Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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