I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
