I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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