The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You're like the curious george of whores
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
