I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
And then he peed in my hair
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