Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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