my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
