I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I need to stop coming to work sober
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
