Will you blow on my dice?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize