if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize