So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
