Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
