so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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