is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
