And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
