i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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