How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
