im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
