Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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