ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
