I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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