i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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