I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
