i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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