Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
