dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
