You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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