I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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