friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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