My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
