Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
