He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize