wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
