I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
