I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm too high and old for this...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize