New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
