i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
