he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
