i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
