When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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