i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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