Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
