Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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