Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
