So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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