I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
