Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Soap is not a condiment
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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