i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
