kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
