it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
