I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
