i already hear my dad disowning me
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
