if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
