Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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