: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
